Saku's Stories

 ----- Overcoming religion---

Over the years, I've discovered that stemming from a family influenced by two religions is a wonderful thing. My father comes from a devout Roman Catholic family. My mother came from a Buddhist family. Even though they were from the same province, Wennappuwa and Makandura could easily have been on two different planets.

They got married and the relatives from both sides were not happy. It was unheard of in my father's family to marry someone who was not only Buddhist but also Govigama. It was equally unheard of in my mother's family to marry someone who was not only Catholic, but also karave.(govigama and karave are castes in the Sri Lankan caste system)

But there they were, having fallen in love, and tied the knot, and having three offspring. If my parents had chosen to live in Wennappuwa, I'm sure our lives would be different now. But instead, they built their home in Makandura, in my mother's village.

The story goes that my mother's uncle, who was a Buddhist monk, had originally planned to give a parcel of land he inherited from his parents to my mother. But when uncovered the hanky panky between my parents he was so outraged he revoked his gift. My mother collected all the money she could and bought the land off him. That showed him, didn't it! That's where my parents built their home. And that's where my siblings and I grew up.

As a first child, I was baptised as a baby in the Wennappuwa Catholic church. That being said, because my father is who he is, the non-believer of God and eschewer of all religions, it was my mother's hand that guided us when it came to religious matters.

She let us pick. They let us pick. We were shown both worlds and we were given the chance to pick.

I loved visiting my paternal grandmother and aunt, not just because our very fun older cousin lived there. But also because the food was always amazing and there were these comic style bible story books lying around. My first forays into Moses, and David, and even Jesus came from these stories. And there were small statues of Jesus and Mother Mary around, which were so beautiful that if you stared for a while, you'd find yourself feeling peaceful.

Every Christmas we went to Wennappuwa. Most Christmases we would go on the 24th night. Because I was known as the sickly one who couldn't endure anything, I was always left behind, while my grandmother, my aunt's family, and my family went to the Midnight Mass. I slept. They took part in the Mass walked back home amidst happy crowds. I still slept.

On the 25th morning there was an amazing Christmas breakfast followed by exchanging of presents. Then we visited all our relatives living in the area. There were a lot of them! Cakes and wine and sweets and i honestly don't know how we had any tummy space left for lunch. Which we did by the way, because my aunt can cook! Her food is always so good and her Christmas table, the stuff of legends!

After tea, we left for home, the same to be repeated the following Christmas. Even though it is Christmas at Wennappuwa that I've written about, we also took part in various other Sri Lankan Christian/Catholoc days. Easter, Good Friday, the Founding day of the church known as the පල්ලියේ මංගල්ලේ, the day of the dead in November etc.

Now, I know I sound like a tourist in a new country when I speak of Christianity. Other than having read the King James bible, I have zero theological knowledge about Christianity. But I love what Jesus represents to me; hope, love, and good in the world. I love what Mother Mary represents to me; perseverance, love, and endurance.

The reason why I sound like a tourist when I speak of Christianity is because I grew up in a predominantly Buddhist environment. And because when I was small I was mostly guided by my mother when it came to religion.

I sat on the floor next to her to say pansil in the evenings and giggled when she said Akasattacha Bhummatta. I went to the temple with her. I also went to the temple Sunday school for a while. Our village temple is one of the most peaceful places I have ever been to. There's a lake just behind the half-walls. A massive bo tree with leaves rustling in the ever present breeze. White sand stepped on by countless worshippers. A පහන් වැට (a sort of a decorative wrought iron rack fir oil lamps) just behind the bo tree. A vihara filled with beautiful paintings.

I've sat on the white sand with my maternal grandmother listening to bana in the evenings. I've walked to the temple along the pothole filled road from our house and back in the moonlight.

I've learned what I could about the Dhamma.

And because of the gift of choice my parents gave me, I now do not religiously follow any religion.

I don't believe in a God. I also think that the deities associated with Buddhism are most probably extraterrestrial or extradimensional beings. That's just me being a nerd, but well!

But I believe in Karma, as in the cause and effect of everything. I also somewhat believe in reincarnation as a natural progression of karma, keyword being somewhat.

In my books, for whatever it is worth, people need religion because it is comforting to think that there's someone look after us, someone to guide us. But mostly because it gives us a sense of comfort as we contemplate the great beyond.

When my mother died, one of the things I wished for, other than turning back time was to know where she is now. My Buddhist background dictates that she must be somewhere. It would have given me great comfort to know where exactly. But I know that I cannot.

Also, in times of distress, I have wished I had a higher being guiding me, showing me the way. But I know that I do not.

Apart from all of this, what I wanted to say was that as someone who grew up in a bi-religious family, I knew from childhood that different people hold different beliefs and values, and that's okay. When I was about eight or nine I used to get mad at my cousin for believing in a God and she used to get mad at me for not believing in one. But we have loved each other very much throughout the years and our differences have never retracted from our love.

What I wanted to say was that it's okay I have beliefs different from yours. It's okay for you to have beliefs different from mine. It doesn't make either of us better or worse.

Instead of a doctrine or a religion, what I believe in now is being kind, being considerate, being good not for the sake of righteousness but just because you can. What I now believe in is that we are all very very flawed. We are multifaceted. What I now believe in is accepting people with their differences.

Thankfully, I have a partner who believes likewise when it comes to religion, and in our household, children are not forced into accepting religion. My almost nine year old for instance is going through a phase where he loves Egyptian and Greek mythologies. And we are okay with that. So is he. My almost three year old says Sadhu everytime she sees a temple and we are okay with that too.

Be and let be. Love and let love.

Happy holidays!